Crossroads

I was fully expecting some sort of crash after Liverpool, but I'm not sure I was ready for what's surfaced as a result!

It's hard to describe how I felt running last weekend.  The mental conversation I was having with myself was definitely one of a 'run as fast as you can and you never have to do this again' nature.  The realisation that I could step back and not 'run' London felt somewhat cathartic and I certainly finished feeling loads lighter.

In the week that's followed I've had my ability to tame the highly competitive part of my psyche questioned by those who know me well, but I really want to try.  I want it to be about the experience of being a part of the London Marathon and all that that entails, not about what time I can run it in.  I want to get to a place where my distance running is about being proud of the distance I have run not the time that it took me to do it.  I want to be happy just to be there, and to finish.  If I then find that it bothers me that I haven't ticked the marathon time box I'll have to do another one, but I don't want to turn London into an attempt to do both.

In viewing time as the only factor of success, I have forgotten that when I started this was actually about being able to increase my distance without my knee locking (which I now know was caused by my IT Band tightening as a result of lazy glutes) and I should be chuffed to bits that I've just run thirteen miles without it happening.  The ache in my hips however tells me that I've got an awful lot of work to do to double the distance, and I really don't need to add the pressure of speed into the equation. But I know I won't find it easy. The current plan is to see how training goes over the summer, see if I am comfortable adopting a different approach for Glasgow, and take my marathon training from there... watch this space!

Meanwhile I am becoming increasingly aware that if I felt the come down after Liverpool, it is nothing to what I'm going to feel after London, and I need start thinking about cushioning my fall - which is where the whole Etsy dilemma is surfacing from!  Oh man.... if I say out loud that I dream of having a creative business have I then got to do something about it?! And having just done so, is it already too late?!

Reality is that I've got bags and cards to sell and an opportunity to get involved in a local group of Etsy traders to see if I could make a go of doing something longer term- a bit of a no brainer really, except that it sends anxiety levels and thoughts of self doubt through the roof.  I fear things may be somewhat turbulent for a while - time to prepare yourselves for a bumpy take off! (although you may be better picturing a propeller starting to turn ever so slowly on the front of a Gypsy Moth* than any rumble from a jet engine).

*The Gypsy Moth, I've just realised, is the name of the pub that Al is intending drinking in whilst supporting me en route in London... Damn I think it's a sign! Now I really do have to go for it!

M - 307

Glasgow - 105

Total Distance covered   684.8 miles