Phew!

Am I glad that's over!

There really isn't much to say about today, except that I wish I'd taken the option of a sedative! But it would have been a shame to miss out on firstly being asked if I wanted to watch ("err that would be a no" or words to that effect) and secondly being taken into the recovery ward post procedure, told to lie on my side with my knees up towards my chest and expel as much air as I could! Too much information? Sorry! But I've clearly already lost what little dignity I had left!

Good news is that I got the all clear, which begs the question of what is causing the dietary issues, but not to worry I can discuss this at my follow up appointment on the 5 May!

Tired and a little washed out this evening, I'm hoping that a hot bath, early to bed and a good night's sleep will see me feeling better in the morning - hope so! Three mile tester run tomorrow if I feel up to it, and plans to bake a quinoa chocolate recovery cake whether I run or not! Not sure this is quite what you had in mind sis when you told me to go binge!

M - 482

Brighton Half - 39
Liverpool Half - 151

Glasgow Half - 263

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

Noah

Anyone got a boat?!

I think after two hundred and sixty seven posts, you are all well aware that I don't always follow through with what I say I am going to do and, dear readers, you might be excused for thinking that I'm full of brown stuff. Oh but how wrong you would be.... no food at all today and (I kid you not) two litres (or for my American friends just over half a gallon) of laxative have put paid to that idea!

It's been a difficult day, in a difficult week, and when I sat with HMG this morning I don't think either of us could have envisaged just quite how low we would be feeling at this point, for similar and very different reasons.

I'm not feeling particularly well this evening, but I am feeling a little philosophical - it is forty days to Brighton, and possibly forty nights (I haven't counted) here's hoping it doesn't rain for all of them, but I can't help feeling somewhat desolate and wishing that things were different.  I'm not sure that Brighton awaits us like an oasis from the storm, but much as we feel like we're drowning at the moment, we will hit dry land HMG - promise!

In the words of Noah and the Whale L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N - the weather will get warmer, the days will get longer, Spring will come and who knows maybe even summer, our legs will repair and get stronger and we will see you in Brighton sisterofMG750 where a tapas bar and bottle of Rioja awaits us whether any of the above have happened yet or not!

M - 483

Brighton Half - 40
Liverpool Half - 152

Glasgow Half - 264

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

Reversed Psychology

From 'Can' to 'Can't' and back again!

Lovely weekend with Al, and I really didn't want him to go back to work this morning -  luckily I have C at home for company (great thing study leave!) although he spent the majority of the day hiding in his room.  So when I didn't want to walk the dogs this afternoon it seemed liked the best place to go hide too!

Unconvinced of my plan, he skipped trying to use any of his words of wisdom (although with another Team GB Motivational Seminar at the weekend that could all change next week!) and went for the physically removing me option.  I'd like to think that I put up a reasonable fight, but it wasn't long before he had pushed me out of his room, across the landing and perilously close to the top of the stairs, thankfully he stopped short of actually pushing me down them (I told you it was going in my blog!) and with no where left to go the only option was to don my waterproofs and wellies - again - and take the dogs out.

Always a good time for me to process my random thoughts into something more coherent, I'm glad I went as I came home with a much clearer head about the way forward!

On Wednesday I am going for a small investigative procedure to have a look at the inner workings of my digestive system, tomorrow I have the pleasure of drinking a solution that will clear the way and for the past two days I have been eating what is referred to as a low residue diet to aid the process!  I am not allowed to eat any vegetables (which isn't easy for a vegetarian) or any wholemeal or fibrous food including fruit. Basically I'm left with white bread, pasta, cheese, cake and biscuits, and I don't want any of it! All I want to eat is an apple - which is seriously out of character!

This is undoubtedly reverse psychology - I want what I can't have - and it got me thinking that perhaps instead of surrounding myself with my friends and family who have been supportive of my endeavours, I should solicit the opinion of some people who don't like me and don't think I can do this with a view to instilling in me a 'I'll show them' attitude!  However not actually ever wanting to have contact with said individuals again I am hoping I can do this by proxy! Thankfully my head carries around enough nonsense for this to be a viable option, and I think I might be on to something!

Certainly when Al comes home and takes Dougal out for five miler and my running ban isn't lifted until Thursday, it is ALL I want to do! So perhaps that's it - I have to imagine that I'm being surrounded by CAN'T and I'll damn well show you I CAN!

M - 484

Brighton Half - 41
Liverpool Half - 153

Glasgow Half - 265

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

One Hundred and Eighty!!!!

I've hit the jackpot!

Having worked out that I want to run but I don't want to train, my mind set to work to see which other areas of my life followed the same pattern. First up when I thought of hobbies was knitting - wool bought last Christmas, knitting (that I enjoy) finished a couple of months ago, sewing up (that I don't enjoy) not done!

So in an attempt to prove that I CAN apply myself to tasks that I don't want to do, and to try to stop my mind from disecting any more of my life, I fetched the various pieces out of the cupboard and set about sewing it up into a jumper. All good so far...

Trouble was that for whilst the pieces remained as separate parts I didn't have to acknowledge the inevitable that they are too small, once constructed into an actual item of clothing the truth was harder to escape! I'm also not entirely convinced that it suits me - which is odd given that the model in the photograph is at least twenty years younger than me and a completely different body shape! Still it was enough to compound my feelings of fat and almost saw me retreat back into my pyjamas for the rest of the day.

I'm not in a particularly good head space at the moment and know that I am going to have to pull myself round sooner or later, but I'm not sure how to do it.  I think part of my problem lies in the fact that the only people I socialise with on a regular basis are runners, of the turn up religiously every week addicted variety! Thankfully the post run chat hasn't ever got as far a calories, but none of them seem to have yo-yoing weight issues whereas I can bounce from one extreme to the other, either being extremely disciplined in what I eat, or showing no restraint whatsoever!

Perhaps then, what I need is a change of perspective! However, a new group of friends seems a bit drastic, and actively seeking out people with a similar exercise ethic to mine, in an attempt to feel better about my laziness, seems somewhat counter-intuitive and I'm guessing not particularly proactive... but an evening spent glued to the BDO Darts final?! Drama, tension, excitement (yes really schoolfriendofMG750) and a realisation that in certain circle I'm positively svelte!

M - 485

Brighton Half - 42
Liverpool Half - 154

Glasgow Half - 266

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

Cross Training

Has the penny finally dropped?!


Not sure whether it was the large number of volunteers, or my previous mishaps with both the timing and scanning that saw me given the job of marshal at parkrun this morning. Very windy and slightly on the chilly side, I stood and tried my best to encourage the runners as they ran past, wishing I was one of them, not least because then I would be warm!

It's a strange job, some people take time to acknowledge you as they run past, some thank you afterwards, some you can almost see scowl as your 'well done' is received with a look of 'can't you see I'm having a bad run!', others wouldn't know if you were standing there or not! It has to be said that few looked like they were enjoying it, and one lady in particular looked downright miserable! Enough to make you wonder what on earth we do it for?! Thankfully sitting round the table at SC's gorgeous home later (not previously referenced as Style Consultant for nothing!) enjoying tea, coffee, teacakes, bagels, home made jam and the best ever lemon curd, it started to make much more sense!

Not surprisingly what was also apparent from watching those running this morning, is that the fastest runners are the ones who look the fittest! Consequently if I want to get faster....

I know I've mentioned it before but it's taking a while to sink in - I am going to have to cross train. Mrs Motivator, pointed out this morning that she's told me all of this before, but I think it's one of those things that until you have actually made the connection for yourself it is all just words. However now that it is starting to register, I find myself in a position which if I'd worked out before I started, I may not have decided to run a marathon!

I don't want to cross train. I am inherently lazy and don't want to do it, yet without it I can't run at the speed or distance that I want to.  I guess this is how C feels who needs to increase his fitness to play Underwater Hockey for GB and now finds himself having to accompany us on a Saturday morning!

I need to make the most of this week of simple exercises and twice daily tennis ball torture sessions whilst it lasts! I have a feeling things may be about to move up a level!

M - 486

Brighton Half - 43
Liverpool Half - 155

Glasgow Half - 267

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

Thinking of you HMG xxx

Smithereens

Everything's falling apart!

With hindsight I think it's all for the best that I fell asleep before getting the chance to write this actually on Friday - it was definitely a day where my glass was half empty!

Strong winds overnight had lifted a couple of panels out of the greenhouse, to add to the one that broke the night before.  H came outside to find me standing on the garden wall surveying the damage, the wind having just caught my skirt a là Marilyn Munroe, yet with none of the style of the iconic image and instead a mental picture of his mother standing in her tights that I'm sure he will be quick to eradicate! Panels safely in the garage it was time to get H to school and the dogs to the woods to meet my friend.

Pain free since going to see the Biomechanics Man on Tuesday, I was very disappointed when half way around our walk my left knee started to complain. having so hoped that it was getting better.  If I can't manage four miles walking, how will I ever be able to run three in less than a week's time, and if I can't run on Thursday then how will I ever be ready for Brighton?

Came home to find glass all over the patio as another pane had fallen - thankfully it's toughened glass and therefore dog friendly (it's almost like we foresaw it happening!) but it 'explodes' into so many pieces that it looks at first glance that the whole thing was down.

However it wasn't until I phoned Al at lunchtime to tell him the glad tidings that I discovered quite how desolate I was feeling! Poor man!  Quite what he was supposed to do with the information about the greenhouse whilst he was at work, or deal with his wife who was behaving like the end of the world was nigh I'm not sure... but information dumped on him I set about trying to salvage something of the afternoon.

I think I knew at the time, and definitely do with the benefit of hindsight, that none of it is that important in the grand scheme of things.  It will all get sorted in time, whether or not I ever find any rhyme or reason for it happening in the first place, but I'll mull it over for a while yet just in case anything should come to light!

One thing it isn't is some grand conspiracy to make my life rubbish, some days are just harder than others. However one thing it has done is push the price per home grown tomato up considerably - it may be many years before we ever see any return on investment especially if the same thing happens next year!

M - 487

Brighton Half - 44
Liverpool Half - 156

Glasgow Half - 268

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles

Misfits

Or alternatively Hungry Hippo's?!

Four days since I last ran, and I'm starting to get itchy feet and a very fat tummy! The first I'm taking as a sign that my legs are getting better, the second has nothing to do with not exercising since Saturday, it's been a far longer time in the making! Question is, what am I going to do about it?!

Post Nostell Priory parkrun on New Year's Day, I did decide that perhaps visualisation was the way forward.  There were a few very fit looking women amongst the crowd, in enviable running kit (and there in lies the true sign that I am an addict!)  I couldn't help but wish that I looked like them. For a few days afterwards I kept this picture in mind and tried to use it to help me cut down on the quantity of food I was consuming. To an extent it worked (if you count only having one piece of cake for pudding instead of three), but as the week has worn on (was that really only seven days ago?!) I seem to be slipping further and further away from this image of elite sportswoman and nearer and nearer comfy couch potato - or Hungry Hippo if we're sticking with the board game references!

Not that I am trying to emulate a 1950's housewife who was encouraged to make herself look nice for her husband returning from work, but poor Al has come home all week to find me looking a bit like a living version of 'Misfits' (if you remember the game?) as if the three sections of my body belong to three different people. My top half is fairly smart, my bottom half is in it's pyjamas, and because I'm cold my head and shoulders are dressed for the outdoors with a scarf round my neck!

Unable to run, I decided this morning that it was time to 'think myself thin' - I was never going to feel like an athlete if I was dressed like a slob. Not quite prepared to spend the day walking round in my running kit going nowhere, I did at least put my pyjama bottoms in the wash basket and make a bit more of an effort to match my top and bottom halves! Which was just as well as we had a most welcome surprise visit from Etsy Favouriter this lunchtime!

Walking back home after taking the dogs out this afternoon and I did begin to wonder if it was all just too much like hard work! I could happily eat my way up another half stone instead of trying to starve myself down three quarters!

But then as I said at the start, my legs are getting restless and I know that my days of dieting and exercise aren't done with yet, whether I ever reach my visual goal remains to be seen, but for now my pjyama days are over - at least until I've done the washing!

M - 488

Brighton Half - 45
Liverpool Half - 157

Glasgow Half - 269

Total Distance covered   453.4 miles