Going Live!

Albeit somewhat unintentionally!

Today has been a good day.  After three weeks of thinking about it, dreaming about it, not sleeping about it, and obviously writing about it, I HAVE DONE IT!

I have taken my leap of faith, I am going to run, I am going to raise funds for Barnardo's.

And it feels good.

 

I adore my boys, they are a huge part of my life and I have thoroughly enjoyed watching them grow up - until now! At 14 and almost 16 they are everything they should be: fun, gorgeous, caring, articulate, (yet in the next breath) moody, monosyllabic teenagers. Increasingly they are starting to make their own decisions and no matter how much I advise them to the contrary would rather follow their own minds than listen to me. This is a path well trodden by every parent, and an absolutely natural progression - it's just taking a bit of getting used to!

I will always be there for them, yet there is a limit to how much more I can do for them, it is time for them to start doing for themselves (but C and H this does not mean that I will stop being on your case with regards to your homework and/or studying yet!).

The world is their oyster and, all joking aside, it will be both a privilege and a pleasure to watch them mature into their adult selves.  And when it comes to marathon day, I shall run for them. For all the love, joy, laughter and hope that they bring. 

But with every step I shall be raising money for children who aren't standing at the edge of a sea of opportunities, children who have had to grow up too soon, children who Barnardo's are asking us to believe in.

So....

Marathongirl750 is up and running on facebook! (Although I thought I was still working on it in private, when sisterofmarathongirl750 found me!).  It is my intention to try and post the link to my blog there in future, so please find and 'like' my page!

Artwork for my Afternoon Tea tickets is almost finished, and if I get on with it now (and ignore the mountain of ironing) I might get to post it tonight too!

Thankfully I am a million miles from where I was last night, I know there will be many more highs and lows to come but it would be remiss of me not to thank Al for riding the roller coaster of my mood swings with me first hand, and you for reading about them! (And for my friend H who I am going on a long run with tomorrow morning, lets hope this one lasts at least until lunchtime!).


M - 727
Distance covered                  4 miles
Total distance covered    86.2 miles

Standing on the edge...

reluctant to leap!

Let's face it - today was never going to be as productive as yesterday despite all my good intentions!

It started well, I had updated the finances and dealt with my emails before breakfast, but after a busy morning out and about, I failed to find any real focus for the afternoon.

It's C's fault... he started his GCSE's today! Having dropped him off at lunchtime, I found myself unable to concentrate, flitting from one job to the next, watching the clock and mentally ticking off the passage of time.  Eventually he arrived home - looking like he'd been stood in the shower! It was pouring with rain, and any hope I had of a post exam debrief was dashed by his need to go and get changed! By the time he came back downstairs all I was able to ascertain was it was "OK" - so glad I spent so much of the day waiting for that update!

Oh well only another 19 exams to go - perhaps it'll get easier!

I haven't however been totally idle! A idea hatched over a post parkrun cuppa on Saturday, to host an Afternoon Tea event is beginning to take shape and suddenly it is starting to feel very real! Eeek!!

Once I start the fundraising ball rolling there is no going back.

The thought of this both excites and scares me, which fits perfectly with my hotchpotch day! One minute I'm enthused and my head is a whirr with ideas and planning, the next I am fixated on learning how to marble paper and sourcing materials for a different project, like this was the most important linchpin of my whole plan! (It isn't, and I steer myself away from thinking about it further - and confess I am a little proud of myself for doing this!)

Mainly however, I am just feeling rather vulnerable.  In a day or two, when I have finalised the details of my Afternoon Tea party I am going to have to put myself out there, take a leap of faith and see what happens.  This same action will also mark my actual commitment to run.  It all feels a bit huge.


M - 728
Distance covered                3 miles
Total Distance covered  82.2 miles

Rebirth

(Al, C and H you have been warned!)

Today's train of thought began early and stuck around for most of the day!

Al cleaned the hob yesterday - this is bigger news in our house than it ought to be! 
Stood in the kitchen this morning I began thinking about how nice it looked and how much easier it would be if we just took the time to wipe it over every evening, instead of leaving it until it was a much bigger and ultimately far more time consuming job, when the penny dropped.  I have heard this somewhere before, worse than that I have said this somewhere before - my habit of not stopping to take the time to do the little things along the way is not reserved for running and knitting!

Great! Just what I needed something else to internalise! Had I happened to stumble across the three things where I display this trait or was it more wide spread? I needn't have worried about the time this was going to take to analyse - I think we all already know the answer.

What I hoped was isolated to a few separate events is in fact systemic across my whole day - from sorting the finances to dealing with emails, writing a shopping list to updating my 5x50 blog, I don't do it as I go along.  The result of this is that I waste so much time trying to remember things that I run out of time to do them, and every bit of cleaning becomes a bit of a mammoth challenge (like the shower I ended up having to steam clean yesterday!).

So for whilst becoming more introspective was the last thing I needed when I started this blog, it was perhaps an unavoidable consequence.  What was less obvious however was that my daily ramblings would lead finally to a bit of clarity as to why I never seem to have any time to do anything!

I am reborn!

(Well I will be if I can put this new found knowledge into practise!)

With this week's training schedule already worked out, I have been able to plan around it and have a more productive day than I've had in a while. I've shopped, cleaned, hoovered, updated the finances, sorted emails, ran, updated my 5x50 log, cooked, washed up and am about to start ironing!

It may not last, but for today I feel focused and like I've found a key piece in the jigsaw! Which is why when Al gets in from his run this evening and mentions he's going to shave his head whilst in the shower, he is handed the tub of cleaning paraphernalia and told to tidy up afterwards....

The new me may take some getting used to!


M - 729
Distance covered                3 miles
Total distance covered   79.2 miles

Reprogramming

My life is turning into a long list of apparently necessary adjustments!

I am not getting enough sleep - the combination of going to bed late and then waking up too early is beginning to take it's toll and as a result I decided not to run today.

On the one hand I am pleased with myself for putting a little of what I was saying yesterday into practise and listening to what my body is telling me, on the other hand I missed heading out to enjoy the open road and the quiet that only a Sunday morning brings - although it was nice to catch up with the Sunday morningers on FB after two weeks absence!

It also meant that Al and I got to spend a Sunday morning together for a change and ticked off today's 5K by walking the dogs.  The weather wasn't great but it was good to be out and we were happily moseying along enjoying each others company when foolishly I decided to share my plans for the day.  They didn't amount to much, I had four jobs that I wanted to tick off (I've done three) but almost as soon as I'd verbalised them my mood changed as I started to panic that I wouldn't have time to get them done.  I got cross that we weren't going to get back until lunchtime, frustrated that walking 5K across the fields takes so much longer than running, angry that I hadn't just ignored my aching ankles and gone out for a run first thing, as then I could have been at home getting on with my jobs instead of being out walking.

Al is definitely a husband of the long suffering variety - we may have been married for less than six years, but he's known me for just short of thirty six - and has long since learned to expect (and how best to endure) my mood swings!

I have the infuriating habit of letting my thoughts sway my mood.  I am particularly adept at this and can derail even the nicest of days (so heaven help me when I'm ten miles from home with only my feet and determination to bring me home!).

I know I shouldn't and it is yet another hurdle to overcome, but the vast array of self help books and very existence of Life Coaches are testament to the fact that reprogramming this particular trait is far from easy!

So perhaps just acknowledging it will do for today!


M - 730
Distance covered                  3 miles
Total distance covered     76.2 miles

Learning lessons...

... the hard way!

Running is not my only hobby.  I also like to knit.  Jumpers for Al, cardigans for my sis, and sometimes even something for me!  Now you may be excused for wondering how on earth I am going to find a link between these two rather disparate pastimes, and until recently I would have probably said that there wasn't one, but guess what?! I've found it!

I am as impatient with one as I am with the other!

Knitting isn't difficult but it does require patience and (as is becoming increasingly apparent) the discipline to stop every once in a while to check that you have the correct number of stitches and you're on the row you thought you were on.  Mine has gone wrong.

Happily knitting away in front of the tele I became complacent, instead of stopping to make those checks I carried on regardless and lo and behold I've made a mistake.  I have now had to find it, pull the work back, correct it and knit it all the way back up again to where I was in the first place.

I think this is how I run.

If last week was the perfect running weather. This morning wasn't.  Thankfully the rain stopped and we even managed some sunshine, but the wind was strong.  My Garmin's battery ran out before I started so, with no way of checking my pace, all I could do was run -my attention solely on the finishing line and my desire to beat last week's time.

I ran a good race and was happy with it, although it had felt a lot harder than last week, but I assumed this was because I was running so much faster.

The times when they came in told a different story... it would appear that, like my knitting, my run had gone wrong!  Why? Because I didn't stop to take note of the conditions or the feedback from my body during the race.  Running into a headwind on the downhill stretch is NEVER going to make me faster, running with legs that feel like lead are not going to whisk me along to personal best glory.  What I should have done, and perhaps this comes with experience (and/or a change in personality?), is to accept that given the weather and my tired legs I was not going to better last week's time today.  I should have made those checks and corresponding adjustments as I went along and settled into a nice steady pace instead of pushing on, risking injury and having to take things back a stage, only to build them up to where I was before.

You see, same same!

I am however pleased to report that I was not alone! Some of my fellow parkrunners fell into the same trap and were equally disappointed with the results!  But in response to my friend's post on FB a friend of hers wrote the following...

"With the wind that's blowing a howling gale around here, it would be like resistance training running into that today"

Resistance Training - and I still ran 24.15 Whoooo hoooo!!! It's all a matter of perspective!

M - 731
Distance covered                3 miles
Total distance covered   73.2 miles

Time to get my arse into gear

Literally!

This morning was tough... the numbers reading yesterday's blog were high but my request for feedback had not generated the level of response I was hoping for.  Instead of being inundated with comments, by 8 o'clock this morning I had 3 and I think it's fair to say I was feeling rather despondent.

Having studied marketing many, many moons ago, I should have known better than to leave myself in the position of not knowing whether a non response was an objection or tacit support for my plan. (Or perhaps the majority of you are just enjoying your anonymity?!)

C took the pragmatic approach that anyone who knew me would know that I was trustworthy and wouldn't have a problem with it, but the doubts about whether or not this is a good idea were beginning to outweigh the belief that it is, and my internal dialogue on the subject was in full flow - again!

A "Yes!" vote all the way from sunny Spain, followed by one from my friend in Australia and I started to feel more positive, but far from confident!

I generally do a lot of thought processing whilst I am out walking the dogs and today was no exception. Battling against the wind and driving rain I decided that it really isn't about what everyone else thinks, the person who needs to believe I can do this is ME - time to have the courage of my convictions.  After all what is the worst that can happen? That I fail? At least I will have tried.

Another "Yes!" arrives this afternoon, and I'm ready to believe this could work.  I am nervous and more than a little daunted by the task ahead - BUT I AM GOING TO GO FOR IT! Watch this space!

Today also saw my second visit to the Biomechanics Coach.  Sisterofmarathongirl 750 you will be relieved to hear that my pelvis has now realigned and I have to stop doing the exercises (that I did make the time to do) to see if it will hold.  Time to address the next issue - my back is doing the work that my butt should be doing - time to work those glutes! Oh joy!

Talking to C this morning he did suggest that there was another way to secure my place... I could run as an elite athlete - surprised no one else mentioned it!


M - 732
Distance covered                 3 miles (walk)
Total distance covered   70.2  miles

Making it count

(Bit of a serious one today!)

Last year when I did the 5x50 challenge I ran 5K for each of the 50 days, raised money for mosquito nets, got really involved in logging my runs and felt a huge sense of achievement when I finished because I had no idea when I started if I would be able to do it.

This year couldn't be more different. Because I am also trying to increase the distance I can run- I have had to walk some days, I'm not asking for any sponsorship, I forget to log my activities and just haven't bought into the challenge it the same way, I know I can do it and am increasingly of the opinion of "what's the point?"

I will finish it, because I have committed to it but I am not enjoying it. But it has made me and Al get out mid week which I have enjoyed and we are definitely getting stronger for it!

However with approximately 733 days to go between now and Marathon day I am very conscious that it may take more than just my determination to prove I can do this to keep me going.

And so the question of whether or not to run for a charity is reverberating inside my head...

What is becoming increasingly apparent is that the challenge of running a marathon is not just about being able to run the distance - depending on which marathon you want to run it is also about being lucky enough to get a place and I think I want to run the London Marathon which is amongst the hardest of all!

The application process involves a public ballot where 125,000 people put their names into a hat for a place, the odds for this aren't great added to which the ballot closed within 11 hours of opening! For some unknown reason it then takes from April til October to find out if you've been successful.

Alternatively I can apply to a charity for a Gold Bond place, still not guaranteed as competition for these places is also high and comes with the additional commitment of raising around £2,000 but the odds are slightly better than the public ballot!

The other option is to choose to run a different marathon!

What I do know, is that I will not be able to raise that amount of money in the six months that will be available if I am lucky enough to get a place.  I don't have that sort of network, unless each of my 20 or so regular readers would all like to stump up £100 for the pleasure of reading this for the next 23 months?!
Hmm thought not!

But perhaps if I start now I could do it! I have several fundraising ideas also swimming round inside my head ( it's a busy place in there today!) which I will share with you in due course, but there is a fundamental question I need to ask -

If I were to apply for a Gold Bond charity place would you be prepared to support my fundraising knowing that the money raised is being kept by me in a bank account until such time as I have a place and can start fundraising officially?  (needless to say if I don't get a place the money will still go to the charity!)

If you would, could you please comment "yes" on my FB page, then I can see if this approach could actually work - thank you x



M - 733
Distance covered                5 miles
Total Distance covered  67.2 miles